It's February, and that can mean only one thing: toilet snorkeling!

But enough of my hobbies. February is also the month in which we publish our annual guide to men's spas.

Being at the cutting edge, so to speak, of the burgeoning men's spa and salon market, we're kept up-to-date on almost every new entrant, often well before its doors open for business. So I can say with a certain well-informed confidence that this year's crop of new men-only cutters, buffers and rubbers is mostly yawn-inspiring, derivative dreck.

Sorry, but how many ESPN-blaring plasma screen televisions and big-titted "grooming specialists" do we need before someone decides this business is about service and not perks?

I don't know how many times a customer or friend has written me to say that the glitzy barber spa just opened at the mall has a way cool Xbox play area with complimentary brewskies served by a bevy of busty beauticians – but the cut could have been better executed by a dyspeptic chimpanzee with four missing fingers.

And don't get me started on the hard-sell treatment, which seems to be standard issue among these so-called "lounges" and which begins the instant lovely Leeza straps you into your chair. She'll likely wrestle you to the floor if you try to leave with less than $200 in product stuffed into one of those dainty little blue shopping bags you have to hold like an English tea cup.

What does this say about our expectations as consumers? Are men so shallow that to flash some slick gadgetry and eye-popping cleavage is to convince us that a bad haircut is anything other than a waste of our time and money?

I say no! I say make a statement: discard the rest; patronize the best.

Here's the list:

Aidan Gill for Men
2026 Magazine Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
504.587.9090

Finally reopened after the catastrophic hurricane and flood that reduced most of New Orleans to ruins, Aidan Gill for Men in the Lower Garden District is the acme of fine boutique retailing and gentlemanly service. This richly wood-paneled, Deco-inspired shop is very adequately stocked with several high profile men's grooming ranges, shave brushes and razors, ties, watches, cufflinks, and other upscale odds and ends for the male clothes horse.

But it is Aidan Gill's Cutting and Shave Rooms that make this New Orleans landmark worth the effort of a visit. Handsomely appointed with museum-quality barbershop memorabilia and perhaps the finest classic chairs in service today, the Cutting Room and the Shave Room feature full barbering services starting at a very reasonable $35, and, according to Aidan Gill fanatics, the best hot towel shave on the continent (also $35). No hard sell. No tag 'em and bag 'em, assembly-line haircuts. If McGrooming has you down, by all means pay Aidan Gill for Men the honor of your patronage.

The Spa at Salish Lodge
6501 Railroad Avenue
P.O. Box 1109
Snoqualmie, Washington
800.272.5474

Okay, so this spectacular mountain escape – it's perched dramatically atop a misty waterfall and surrounded by stands of lush Pacific Northwest forest – isn't of the "men only" variety. But imagine the sheer volume of gratitude sex you'll receive when you book a weekend for two as this year's Valentine alternative to a dumb-ass box of chocolates in the shape of a cartoon pony.

Decidedly Japanese in design, the Spa at Salish Lodge features a eucalyptus steam room, dry sauna, and therapeutic soaking pools as a "full circle of detoxification, rest and reflection." The treatment menu boasts a diverse selection of services with couples packages starting at $109 per person (performed in front of a massive stone fireplace, no less) and a Zen for Men rejuvenating facial and foot "revitalizer" (100 minutes, $199). No styling services here; the point at Salish is to let your hair down!

Halo for Men
3324 North Clark Street
Chicago, Illinois
773.348.6210

Located in Chicago's dandy Lakeview area, Halo for Men offers what Ernest Hemingway called a "clean, well-lighted place" where men can comfortably enjoy a haircut, manicure or wax without judgmental glances from female patrons.

Halo's perks are a bit excessive – vast movie collection on DVD, reading library, vintage bar with complimentary booze, Internet access and free use of the company laptops. But it's the candlelit, club-style atmosphere and short menu of well-executed services that make Halo's doorway worth darkening.

Their signature service, The Man, consists of a cut and style; scalp massage; shampoo and conditioning treatment; paraffin wax and hand massage; mini facial; and cleanup shampoo (not sure what that might be) – all for a very modest $39. Wax treatments range in complexity from Persian cat to hairy gorilla, and are priced accordingly. Free touchups within two weeks of your previous appointment.

Shaving Grace
269 Main Street
Exton, Pennsylvania
610.524.6977

You have to love a barbershop with a mission statement. Shaving Grace's mission is to revive the art of authentic barbering, and these guys have spared no effort in the design and delivery of their wide-ranging service menu.

Shaving Grace is an undeniably masculine establishment that harkens back to the golden era of barbering – they quite literally offer the classic shave-and-a-haircut. Yet they have a very modern and upscale appeal, without relying on splashy home theater systems or the very latest in halter top technology.

Cuts start at $28; manicures at $22; and spa treatments at $20. But if I had any excuse at all to visit Exton, it'd be for SG's straight razor shave – a must-have 45-minute experience that includes pre-shave balm, hot towel treatment, shave, facial massage, cleansing mask, and re-hydration for a paltry $38.

Recommended Spas
Click here for a list of MenEssentials-recommended spas that offer products or spa treatments designed specifically for men.