My first experience with male waxing? There are few words to describe it. But I'll try.

It was 1982. My roommate and I were tattooed, pierced, Mohawk-sporting, Dead Kennedys loving punks. We lived in a two-bedroom dump at the corner of Lyon and James in downtown Ottawa. Jim worked as a night watchman at what was then Taxation and Revenue Canada. I was a line cook at a Turkish takeout joint. The hours were miserable, the pay even worse. But our weekend parties were the stuff of legend.

At one such event, Jim, in a drunken half-stupor, got it into his head that he would wax off his eyebrows.

These weren't your normal human eyebrows, either. These were your Leonid Brehznev specials, more moustache than eyebrow, and thick as shag carpeting. They didn't need wax; they needed hedge clippers.

Word of his plan got around the room pretty quickly. Before long, partygoers were taking bets on whether or not he would survive the experience. I bet he wouldn't.

I lost. Barely.

The grisly details are of little importance. Suffice to say, this wasn't my buddy's finest hour. Being a typical male, he ignored the wax kit instructions and yanked his eyebrows from his head as if he were separating sheets of Velcro.

It was more than a month before the swelling subsided. The bruises took longer to heal. His pride succumbed to its injuries.

You see, as my good friend Jim found out that night, there's a right way to wax and there's a wrong way to wax.

The right way starts with the letters RTFM. (That's "Read The Manual." You can figure out the "F" on your own.) The wrong way ends with a trip to the hospital.

Play it Safe
It is a common practice for bodybuilders and swimmers to remove hair for competitions. Some men are uncomfortable with the hair on their chests or backs. Others just like the smooth, sleek look.

Whether your reasons are for style or sport, remember these important hair removal tips:

• Hot wax is extremely flammable. Keep it away from an open flame. Never heat it on a gas stove.
• Always test a small patch of skin for sensitivity or an allergic reaction before you treat the entire area.
• When applying hot wax, make sure the strips do not connect.
• Apply the wax in an even thickness with slightly fuller edges.
• Apply the hot wax strips against the direction of hair growth. Before the wax sets, redirect the hair in its normal hair growth direction.
• Remove the wax strips against the direction of hair growth. First, use the tips of your fingers to flick up a small section of wax at the base of the strip. Firmly grip the raised section of wax. Then pull the strip away in a very brisk, upward motion.
• Apply an ice compress at the end of the treatment to reduce the risk of sebaceous activity.
• If you intend to recycle the wax, heat the entire pot to 120°C (248°F) and leave it at that temperature for 40 minutes to sterilize the wax before straining.
• Always throw away wax that you apply to the underarm or crotch areas.
• Always use fresh, clean wax to define eyebrows or wax away unwanted facial hair.
• Never remove eyelashes, eyebrows, nose or ear hair, genital hair, or hair on irritated, chapped, sunburned, or cut skin.
• Never wax if you have diabetes or circulatory problems, or if you are particularly susceptible to infection.
• Never wax over varicose veins, moles, or warts.

Done properly, an epilatory treatment like hot waxing will keep your body hair-free for six to 10 weeks.

And Jim's Eyebrows?
Believe it or not, he turned them into earrings. I still have one — a souvenir from my wilder days and a memento from a good friend and free spirit who lived them with me.